Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
