So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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