it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
