I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
