We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
