cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
