he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
