Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
