They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
