what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize