If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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