I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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