Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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