did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he thought i was a dude.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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