i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
