i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
