Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
