I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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