Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
