You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
