if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize