I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
