and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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