After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
