Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
