This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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