After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
