you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
