why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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