Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
