plz talk dirty to me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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