She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
