I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
