I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
