I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
