forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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