apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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