it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
