it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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