Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
