Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you never un-have a 4some
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
