Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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