Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
