It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize