She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
