I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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