When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
