The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
