Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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