i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
