So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
