I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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