you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
