I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
