Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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