You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
