you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
