Jerry, you need to find god
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
