you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
