do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
