I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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