the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
