I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
