The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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