You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
