So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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