I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
