You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
