So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
