I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
