Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
