ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
