youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I skipped work to stalk him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
