I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
