um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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