i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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